OK, I’ve had it. You know the newspapers that publish the names of the “Johns” in prostitution cases, with the idea of shaming them into some sort of decent behavior if not outright morality? I’m going to start a variation of that, except I know it won’t do any good. I know. In fact, in a few years, people who still read at all will wonder what in the world I’m talking about.
Lots of people don’t read anymore.
Lots of people think they read, but they are so distracted and in such a hurry that they miss key words and thus the whole point of what they read.
Lots of people don’t listen, either. See above for some of the reasons.
Because people* don’t read, don’t comprehend, and don’t listen, they (can’t bring myself to name them) come up with the following uttered or written words:
Isn’t there a statue of limitations? [Uh, no.]
He likes to be on the spotlight. [Must be damn hot after awhile.]
We worked feverously on the project.
He died of smoke insulation.
We need to prevent people to dogfight.
I did it on accident. [What? Sat on the spotlight?]
You have a beautiful rhododendrum!
There was a whift of smoke. [This one is not connected with the victim of smoke insulation.]
My mother makes an excellent tomato aspect.
What was you wanting? [Where do I begin?]
Here’s one Tara had from a student recently: It was necessary to take gastric measures. [Don’t think that’ll help.]
*All but two statements or questions came from the mouths or pens of college graduates, some with advanced degrees.
I didn’t start writing down these little gems until a few years ago, after a cocktail party at an artist friend’s house in Mexico. One of her quasi-boyfriends was an aged Hell’s Angel wannabe, and he sat rather glumly apart from the other people who were gathered on Janice’s veranda, drinking and talking about her art. Boyfriend just drank quietly for awhile, and then he seemed to catch a word or two of conversation and roused himself long enough to address everyone: “I had an easel under the porch once, but the dogs ran it off.”
If you recognize yourself here, at least you recognize yourself. That’s a good thing. And if you have your own favorites to add to the list, let me know! I’ll be waiting with baited breath. [Eeew].